6/30/2016-Washington, D.C. When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough news source just received notice that a local mosque had started a crowdsourcing campaign on launchcrap.com. The goal of the campaign is to build a new drones parking lot given the uptick in toddler toys and adult killer machines.
The campaign founder, Abd El Wahid Ibn El-Magid Bint Al Sagheer stated that, “we can no longer ignore the rising use of drones in our community. Even though they kill us most of the time, sometimes they are friendly and therefore deserve a space at our holiest meeting places.”
Campaign Assistant Director, Khaled bin bint al Walad al Haq Al Mawlud added, “While some people see drone violence as state violence, this is really an exaggeration. I mean, I see them flying over my house every day and so what if one of my neighbors goes missing AGAIN? This is War and Muslims that leave the house should have to learn the hard way.”
Hosting this controversial campaign, Launchcrap.com founders stood by their decision to keep the campaign up, saying that they fully support state violence in the War on Terror and drone parking lots will show the U.S. government that Muslims are really committed to fighting this war.
The campaign is meant to coincide with Obama’s Eid party next week where participants are expected to return home with toy drones a guide to local DC drone parking lots.
The Muslim American Council on Clarifying Clear Statements (MACCCS) is demanding answers after presidential nominee Ted Jackovitch stated in his latest speech that he “hates Muslims and wants them to die.” Referring to Jackovitch’s statement, ACCCS responded saying, “it is unclear what he meant by this statement. Does he mean vitriol, contempt, despise, or abhor? And does he mean death as in fatal? These answers are critical in our understanding of his seemingly apparent dislike of our community.”
President of the MACCCS, AbdulMunir Ghafar Sultan Qaboos Muhsen Jaffar Fakhara Khara, who at the time of the Jackovitch’s speech was studying for his upcoming GRE exam, stated that, “it’s really hard to compile a catalogue of groups that loathe Muslims when they are so subtle about it. I wish they could be more explicit about their hatred so we know where we stand.”
Jackovitch’s PR team, receiving a MACCCS press release in advance of the public release, responded stating that, Jackovitch has repeatedly clarified his hatred for Muslims. According to his team, he stated that, “I want it to be clear that I hate Muslims. Like I really hate them. And now, because of their inability to understand my obvious hatred, I hate them even more. What else can I do to show them how much I hate them? Unfortunately, I think the only other way will be to commit nationwide hate crimes, which like everything else they don’t understand will also be misunderstood as something that happened because their mosque open house started late. For the sake of clarity once more, let me say, I hate you all again and I hate you when I see you at the library, the grocery store, restaurants and/or any other place where it is clear that you are still alive and breathing.”
In response to Jackovitch’s statement, the MACCCS released an election guide titled, How to Know When a Prospective Presidential Candidate Hates Muslims: A Guide to Understanding Things That Shouldn’t Actually Need an Explanation. The goal of the manual is to clarify the clarity of the clear statements that do not need clarification but still get clarified. The guide can be downloaded at http://www.whydontyouunderstandshit.com